did i, really?

it's hard to get over the surreal feeling of how you kinda really really want something so bad, and you work really really hard to get there, but still never in your wildest dreams imagined that you would get it, and then, bam!, you actually get it. it's shock, then joy, then numbness.. and a strange cloud of surreality that never goes away. did i really make it? it becomes matter-of-fact after awhile, but it somehow never sinks in. did i, really? the memories of finding out, replays as the question runs through over and over. did i, really? for real? 

it's surreal, but at the same time it's one of those moments that i feel utterly blessed and cannot give enough praise. these are memorable milestones, i hope the memories stay etched. i know they won't be there forever, because i will form new ones - memories i was so certain would never disappear have slowly faded, they have become no more, like a tape that has been recorded over.

maybe this is the reason i should be penning thoughts here, but i'm not a "dear diary" kinda person. i enjoy just airing my thoughts on a vague note like this, just to get it out, but not having it crystal clear. i always marvel at the thought process in retrospect, and amaze myself. i love looking back at past works, creations, compositions because it wows me, but then the question always comes round - did i really?