what's the first you think of when you see / hear "season of giving". perhaps we've been conditioned to think of presents because of all the commercialisation. me, being such a fusspot, hates receiving presents. particularly from someone i love. "what if i don't like it" "what if it's shown on my face" "what if i come across ungrateful for all the effort". i psych myself up, and try to stay positive. it's usually not as bad as i fear. of course there are the friends who want to bless, and the acquaintances.. who somehow don't yet know that i really don't like receiving gifts.. it's an internal struggle to be thankful and grateful, but also fighting the feeling of hypocrisy because my face is plastered with a smile as i utter my thanks.
why do i not like gifts? well, a) i don't need anything. what i need, i already have. what i have, is more than enough. b) even if i want something, i usually already tend to have an idea in my mind -- i can't quite deal with it if it's not exactly the one i want. i'd truly rather get it myself. of course the times that i haven't quite considered all the requirements, then sometimes (b) turns out to be a pleasant surprise. the bottom line is that i don't like things to go to waste. why get me a pair of earphones when mine are working just fine. i only have one pair of ears right? i find that underutilisation sometimes result in items spoiling quicker, so i don't believe in "keeping it first". i get torn between the itching to use my new item over the one that works fine and the feeling that i actually quite like my existing item more.
some people think it's rude to re-gift because thought has been put into the gift. i'm torn about that. i do know of people who are super sincere about the gift and really go through the trouble of finding something for you. if that's the case, i usually suck it up and tell myself to be grateful and put that
gift of love to good use - unless maybe it's a hot pink bikini. there are those gifts where it seems like a mass buy item, which yes, effort has been made to choose and wrap, but what if i really have no use for it? is it not better in a good home with a better owner? i don't complain if people choose to give
perishables like food because you don't have to worry once you've eaten it up. face masks are the "new in thing" for gifts, i've found. i don't quite mind them to be honest, but maybe because i have some use for them. i can't quite say the same for lip balms and gloss and other cosmetics because they take forever to be used.
sometimes, i chide myself for being an ingrate. i'm learning and trying to be more accepting of gifts of love. but it makes me think, who determined that a season of giving should be predominantly that of gifts? why not that of quality time? particular in this day and age where we are consumed by busyness, is the best gift not time? time away from work, from our gadgets, from social media.. we give of our time to loved ones, to celebrate the year, to celebrate friendships, to celebrate the gift of life and love. wouldn't that be a bigger and more meaningful gift?
"as the years went by, we learnt more about gifts,
the giving of ourselves and what that means."
the true meaning of christmas is in Christ and His gift of love to us.
that, is more than enough for me. it's everything i need.
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