wordless whispers.

sometimes i wonder and reflect if these two years have indeed been worth the hanging on...

many people have walked into my life and our paths crossed so memorably. despite the gratitude you've shown, deep down inside i've always felt that i've never done enough to help you up. i tend to let go after picking you up from the miry gravel, hoping you'd learn for yourself how to walk again, when i could have gone that extra mile of helping you wipe the grime off. i've learnt from you. the strength, the fervour, the passion, the resoluteness.. it's given me strength to carry on.

i guess i'd never learn how to love language if i didn't walk through this path. language was the bane of my existence back then because i never could meet the mark. but somehow along the way, failure mothered success and gradually honed my skills. i've become a self-declared sesquipedalian. the longer, the queerer, the better! this penchant for absurd linguistics has brought me up close and personal to a smorgasbord of oratorical rhetoric.

many questions and doubts have flooded in, at the same time affirmations and reassurances have just levelled the bumpy road. i've no idea what's in store ahead of me. but i do know tt i'll embrace it with open arms, whatever the cost. i'm done worrying and fussing over what the future brings, i've found that if you're just willing to open that closed up mind of yours for a split second and stop indulging in your own selfish thoughts, you lead a more carefree life, accepting whatever comes your way. it's never been our prerogative to judge anyway.

faith and trust and love. simple words but yet are entangled with a whole myriad of complications. why is it so had to have faith in someone? to trust? to love? there's nothing in loving loveable people, it is only something when we love those are difficult to love. and that's what Christian love is all about. this gruelling lap has taught me faith - in God and in myself. i've encountered countless snide comments and remarks about religion, but i believe as we mature, we tend to widen our horizons and take such issues into perspective. there's a need to quench that thirst to comprehend phenomenal ongoings.

'don't frown because things didn't go your way, smile because it happened'.

it's probably an extremely cliched statement and many people take a blase attitude toward it. but if you think about it, it takes real guts to do to so - to see your 'failures' in a new perspective.

i'm at the crossroads, looking forward to opening this new chapter. it's a complete blur because i'm back at square one with a fresh crisp sheet of paper, ready to take on whatever comes my way. i'm trusting and believing, with a tinge of hope. but till i get into the mode of frenzy, i'll take it slow...

and run with the wind howling in my face as i chase the copious fall of leaves.
and when i'm done soaking in the deluge of the cold winter rain,
i'll sit on the peak of a green meadow and the beauty that spring so delicately encapsulates.
i'll lie on the lush pastures and drink in the warm summer rays.

with love.