who moved my finish line?

Everything In Its Time
(Corrinne May)

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round

Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer,
To get through it all
I just fall on my knees and I try to pray
In the silence I can hear Him say

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign
Everything in its time

I often feel like I'm two steps behind
Somebody must have moved that finish line
There are a thousand reasons
Why I should give up
But I'm stubborn in the things I believe

The river runs and the river hides
Out to the ocean and under the sky
I promise you, the answer will come
Hold on to patience and watch for the sign

'Cause maybe there's another plan
One I still can't see
A little surprise, like Your love in my life
Funny how time changes how we see

just about exactly a year ago, this song was grossly overplayed, amongst many other favourite comfort songs. it had since been forgotten until it happened to play again, and i fell in love all over again. the past few months have zoomed past in a blur. the outlook for 2014 is a fuzzy one. it's ironic how 3 months have passed so quickly but the wait for less than 3 months it's a painfully agonizing one. the lack of an answer hinders my direction, as i desperately struggle to keep moving towards that invisible finish line. this is the first time i lack a time period of how long this phase of life will last. will it be a short one as i embark onto an all new journey next year? or will my aspirations be put on hold, as i strive in another aspect. there are many roads to an end-point, and at the end of the day, i know trust is all i need to bring me to where i need to be.

Lift Me From the Ashes
(Debbie Preuss, Courtesy of Laugh & Lift)

Lift me from the ashes, heal this anger in my heart
Holding on to it Lord, is tearing me apart
I've embraced the injustice, that was done to me
Now it's holding me back, not letting me be free
I'm tired of sitting here, with my "righteous pride"
I can't count the many tears, that my eyes have cried
Lord reach down and pick me up, please show me what to do
I now lift my arms, oh Father, unto You
My heart is bruised and battered, what could I ever gain
From staying where I am, holding on to this pain
Lord, I know you love me, please take over this mess
I can't do it on my own, this I now confess
All these feelings that I'm having, are jumbled in my mind
This is not the path for me, that You have designed
So Father I now give to You, full, complete control
For in doing this, I know You'll make me whole
So lift me from the ashes, heal the feelings in my heart
For holding on to them is tearing me apart

many things i hold dear, and many things i share. but many skeletons i stuff in my closet, for they are better off there. the bruised and battered heart, nursed back to the pink of health one too many times, is fearful of what lies ahead and it sure doesn't help that deeply etched memories are constantly replayed. everyone has their own magic medicine, happy juice, comfort food, what have you. i admit mine is often foolishly hidden deep in one corner, hidden by other enticing options of temporary solace. and it's only when all these have been exhausted do i then notice the one that would have healed me eons ago. it's strange how we go for quick fixes and ignore the permanent ones, for whatever different reasons we each may give. surrendering is not an easy thing for our human pride and ego, but it's really silly because we'd save ourselves a ton of hurt if only we'd let go. it's like you're hanging upside down, clinging on so tightly to a rope which you believe determines your survival so much so it's painfully burning your palms. but right below you (no doubt many feet below), is a safety net and a big trusty professional to catch you in his arms. why doubt? really, why doubt? is it worth the agony? 'cause when those trials come, my human nature shouts the thing to do and God's soft prompting can be easily ignored. sadly, this is so true. but i really really, so badly want to give full, complete control knowing that i can be made whole. all these jumbled and shattered emotions are too much to handle so i'll hold on to patience and watch for the sign. i don't know about you, but these struggles sure are real and i know i've a reason to believe, to lift my chin up and take each day at a time.

there are a thousand reasons why i should give up,
but i'm stubborn in the things i believe.