time.

what is this thing that crawls like a snail when you wish it would go quickly, 
yet speeds up and passes in a blink of an eye when you want to savour the moment?

i suppose i'm guilty of being hard to please too. the lack of an agenda makes me long for something fulfilling, but when there's an agenda in place to keep me busy, i'm utterly poofed and i yearn for a "free" day. i don't deal well with a lack of structure. it makes me feel lost. living day-to-day hardly a long term option, i need a rough framework at the very least. i am truly learning to be flexible with the options that fill the framework. but i admit, i'm fussy. it's like having a cupboard full of nothing to wear. on days like those, it frustrates me greatly. when i have a broad range of options of leisurely things to do, i don't feel like doing any of them, and i end up being a grump. it frustrates me that i'm bored, and frustrates me further, knowing there's a bunch of things i could do but none of those appeal to me.

they say, enjoy this break before working life, because then you'll be too busy to enjoy life. someone please teach me how that is done? i'm happy to be busy and kept on my toes. i've been chided for being a workaholic. i'm excited for what is to come, but at the same time i'm also slightly wary that the busyness will consume me. i really should embrace the relaxation, to recharge and psych myself for the impending intensity. that said, i suppose i'm happier to chill and be mindless when those moments are shared. i'm saving the exploring for when i have companionship, because exploring becomes more fun that way. maybe, just maybe, in 3 weeks from now, i will wish this holiday never ends.

too many things, too little time,

too much time, too little things.

#trulyfirstworldproblems