"set a goal to achieve something that is so big, so exhilarating that it excites you and scares you at the same time."

in a blink of an eye, these two years have flown right by.

i never would have imagined how quickly this would pass, i could not have imagined the joy of submitting a thesis, i would never have imagined completing another degree so soon.

call me academically insecure, but grades and me just don't seem to go together. i would excel in so many other ways, but exams are a huge obstacle. i've fallen so many times that i've become fearful which in turn feeds the fear to stumble me, even if i've got it right this time. going to university was God's grace. sure, i did decent to get into the course of my choice, but then again, the requirements weren't the toughest. i remember thinking then, that perhaps university was not as big an obstacle as they had said it would be, i was no where near a high scorer, but i made it. i was definitely not one who was sad to leave school and enter the working world, in fact i was looking forward to it. school was something i wanted to leave, because i knew that learning and excelling outside was easier than in school. university was a mere stepping stone. i tried, i did, i wouldn't say i did well, but at least i put in effort so it wasn't a bare scrape.

the last thing i would have ever thought was to pursue school again. you've got to be kidding me right? but well, the only way to the profession i was eyeing was to be qualified. and so i thought it wouldn't be that hard, doing something i love. i had to eat my words. that said, in retrospect, perhaps it wasn't that bad. it's like trying to force down your favourite food when you're too full, it's not a nice feeling, but at least the taste isn't revolting and it's something you kind of enjoy, until you realise you're too full.

now i stand firm in reminding those around me, if i ever talk about pursuing a PhD, please tell me i once said i must be mad. in all honesty, one of the crossroads of this path i'm going down would potentially lead up to a PhD and perhaps 5 years later, or 7 years later, it may be an option. but even then, i shudder at the thought, really.

over the course of this journey, i've continuously been reminded of how blessed i've been - how blessed i am to have had providence; how blessed i am to have amazing people to surround me, no tinge of racism whatsoever; how blessed i am to have overcome the distance; how blessed i am to have done the best i could ever have done in my academic life. perhaps, just perhaps, i'll be brave enough to pen down these, for memory sake, and for gratefulness sake.

Your love never fails, 

never gives up, 

never runs out on me.