midpoint musings.

for the past couple of years, the speed at which time flies never fails to amaze me. it's almost an annual déjàvu when that realisation hits. i remember thinking, as a child, how slow time was going.. "when will i be 12", "so long more till 16", "i'll never reach 21".. but then it came a time when time started speeding up. it started off as joyful exuberation, with some dread, of course, because the faster time flew, the faster the deadlines would close in, yet it also meant being liberated earlier. this speed, continued to accelerate, to the point where i now wonder where the months have gone. it's a strange dilemma because i now count in blocks. i see time in blocks of a week at a time. it sometimes feels slow, but when it passes, it feels so far away. 24 hours isn't a long time, really. but it can feel really long too. it's a matter of perception.

what i meant to say in that rambly preamble, was the disbelief that half of 2016 has just flow by in a blink. i feel the toll it's taken, yet at the same time, it truly feels like it has taken an expressway.

i see time in blocks of a week. i look forward to weekends because it's when i have daylight to do things. i feel the pinch when i have to sacrifice this time for other errands. the pain is real. but then again, i question my selfishness because i realise i don't even know what i want to do with the time. sleep is definitely on the cards, an early weekend means another week to trudge along. but one thing i crave for, is time to do nothing at all. i miss staring blankly into the waters, hearing the crashing of the waves, to sit in the silence and hear the winds' soft sighs. all the hustle bustle has whisked the air from my lungs, i want, i need, to sit and breathe. mulling is part of this process but it helps to clear the brain, to sort, to prioritise. these days, mulling is just the process of drawing up a mental checklist and the workaholic in me scrambles to check that box right after.

on a side note, for other trivial reasons, i couldn't be more grateful it's July. it's extremely liberating to have something resolved. i have come to embrace all my 5 senses, and i thank God for my ability to see, hear, smell, taste, and feel.

"taking time to do nothing

often puts everything into perspective."

A Time for Everything 

There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under the heavens:
    a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
    a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
    a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
    a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
    a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
    a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; 
yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  

(Eccl 3:1-8,11)