don't gobblefunk around with words.

​fatigue -- pronounced fuh-teeg. i can only imagine the unschooled saying "what is fa-tee-gew ha... orh tired say tired la".

back in school, we learnt about a particular type of fatigue where one's sensitivity to noise is decreased after prolonged exposure to that particular sound. as i was walking home today, it suddenly struck me - when was the last time i appreciated my surroundings? i function on autopilot, or on the rare occasions, am preoccupied with finding my directions. less than 24 hours later, i looked up from my phone, outside the window of the moving car, and the same thought floated into my mind again. i've unconsciously drifted into a sensory sort of fatigue where i'm almost programmed on autopilot, and no longer conscious about the beauty around. it truly is a sad thing, not one that i'm proud of.

i came across this article of this author who became caught up within one of the mini races within the human rat race. when he came to his senses, he was reminded that it was about "the grace of embracing not only our abilities, but also our limitations as opportunities to grow in self-awareness and faith, a reluctant acknowledgement that we often cannot dictate the outcomes of our efforts... We are, in other words, proud people who attempt at every turn to minimize our reliance on God and inflate our sense of self-importance. When our dreams exceed our reach, we have a choice. We can lose heart and despair. Or we can say thank you and wait for further guidance.”

it's hard though, not to gripe and feel sorry when your dreams exceed your reach. the person next door did it effortlessly! but it's important to know that sometimes this gravel road that significantly slows you down is part of a moulding process.

the danger is that we who are so used to the fast-paced life get fatigued. we trudge along and become blasé. this fatigue causes us to become oblivious to the beauty around us -- we no longer see how high the buildings go, no longer hear the chattering, no longer smell the familiar scents, souls, no longer taste home-cooked goodness, no longer feel the wind upon our skin as we walk with carefree souls. we grow up into what we see as a "greater" world, but actually decline in our senses and joy-meter (our ability to appreciate and find joy in the things around us). how can we call ourselves a modern, progressing generation when we have regressed in our senses and appreciation?

Grace by Laura Story

My heart is so proud. My mind is so unfocused.

I see the things You do through me as great things I have done.

And now You gently break me, then lovingly You take me

And hold me as my father and mold me as my maker.

I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up,

When I keep on letting you down?

And each time I will fall short of Your glory,

How far will forgiveness abound?"

And You answer: "My child, I love you.

And as long as you're seeking My face,

You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."

At times I may grow weak and feel a bit discouraged,

Knowing that someone, somewhere could do a better job.

For who am I to serve You? I know I don't deserve You.

And that's the part that burns in my heart and keeps me hanging on.

As I walk with You, I'm learning what Your grace really means.

The price that I could never pay was paid at Calvary.

So, instead of trying to repay You, I'm learning to simply obey You

By giving up my life to you For all that You've given to me.

I ask you: "How many times will you pick me up,

When I keep on letting you down?

And each time I will fall short of Your glory,

How far will forgiveness abound?"

And You answer: "My child, I love you.

And as long as you're seeking My face,

You'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace."

this was not only playing on my playlist, it was also playing in my mind. we keep falling short, but yet we keep receiving undeserved chances. what comforted me most was the last line of the chorus - Hi "daily sufficient grace". no matter how many times we minimise our reliance, inflate our self-importance, and take His daily mercies and creation for granted, our grace is renewed daily, if only we ask, of course.

“We are all members of a species that is not sufficient unto itself. 

We are all creatures plagued by unending doubts and restless, unsatisfied hearts.”

but as long as we're seeking His face, we'll walk in the power of His daily sufficient grace.