complex insanity.

it's really frightening how dementia robs one entirely of all personality. from a sober nature to one of violence, spite and anger. the same building block of a family that structured it to the way it is today, is the same factor which is tearing down the whole infrastructure known as family. insanity is complex and beyond comprehension. stories of psychosis are abound in the world today, but little would you ever think that it would come so close. so close to home.

some people would like to be forever young.. some forever 21, some eternally eighteen, some just dwell in the memory of sweet sixteen. well, not for me.. when i'm stuck at being 13 or 14. 16 if i'm lucky. that, is a gauge of where her memory stops short at. five years ago. as funny as it may seem, it's not funny once the joke is turned to reality.

i thought the initial was scary, maybe humorous at times when the joke isn't on you. but the moderate stage is ever horrifying - memory of a goldfish, aggressiveness of a wild creature. when it is a literal 'one ear in, one ear out' and "rational" no longer exists in your dictionary and when even two sedatives can't keep you down despite the supposed risk of being a permanent zombie. you'd think that's about it, but it stretches on infinitely, going whereever the mind brings you. and the scariest part: there is nothing you can do about it. i can't imagine what to expect when the later stage is reached.

is there even a maximum point to insanity? how do you even measure sanity? is mental degradation so severe such that you lose yourself completely? i wonder.

so much for the year of the cow when the situation is turned topsy turvy and everyone is diverging towards being mad cows.