the necessity of grief and loss.

 "i've learned that in the course of our life we leave and are left and let go of much that we love. losing is the price we pay for living. it is also the source of much of our growth and gain. making our way from birth to death, we also have to make our way through the pain of giving up and giving up some portion of what we cherish. we have to deal with our necessary losses.

as for our losses and gains, we have seen how often they are inextricably mixed. there is plenty we have to give up in order to grow. for we cannot deeply love anything without becoming vulnerable to loss. and we cannot become separate people, responsible people, connected people, reflective people without some losing and leaving and letting go"

- Judith Viorst, Necessary Losses

 

reading this excerpt hit me hard, really hard. never mind that i chanced upon it for research. the deep, painful, raw truth, resonated so much sense on so many levels.

we leave the things love sometimes, because we have to grow up and move on. we are left by things we love because we failed to keep pace. we let go of things we love for our good, for another good, or because we weren't even given a choice. loss is a massive price for living. we slowly lose the things we love because they don't last for as long as we live. 

the pain, it makes us grow stronger, to run further and faster, to catch up with these things we love, to cherish them before we lose them. sometimes in loss we gain, because they aren't actually the best for us. losing is a benefit we only appreciate in retrospect. we've each made our way through the pains of giving up, a toy, a friend, a place, sometimes dignity, sometimes pride, sometimes love, sometimes for others, other times for ourselves. it's like a pruning process, you cherish your pretty green leaves and juicy fruits, but really, you could have greener, more luscious leaves, and juicier, more abundant fruits, if you let yourself be pruned. else you lose out. either way, we deal with, and live with, our necessary losses. 

these losses and gains are so tightly intertwined that sometimes we can hardly see the difference between the give and take. we often focus on the negative and think we lose out much, we look out far ahead as the things we love drift away, but we fail to look down into our hands to see the precious memories left behind, or oblivious to a new love that has wandered beside you waiting to reciprocate new love. loving something deeply makes you vulnerable to loss. it grows deep strong roots into your heart, and when it's taken from you it inevitably shreds you apart, and you lose a little bit of you when it's ripped away.

death is a loss necessary for the life cycle, but not in any other dimension. it's cruel and never fails to claw a painful hole in my heart. i feel the pain of the pained. but most of us crawl back up, and carry on the journey. but as it's been said, we need some losing and leaving and letting go. when we lose something, it does us good to leave behind the memories, and let go of the pain. easier said than done, a thousandfold, though.

treasure today,

because yesterday is gone,

and tomorrow is never promised.